It’s been a year, a full year living
out in AZ, and I am still here. I didn’t think I would be here on October 1,
2012. I had every intention to be back in my beloved CO. I imagined this fall
that I would be wrapped in blankets, wearing scarves and watching leaves turn
to hues of red, gold and orange. Instead, I am sitting in a coffee shop looking
out at green leaves and a blue sky, drinking an ice tea latte because its 100
degrees….100 degrees on October 1st.
It’s funny how God places us exactly
where we didn’t intend to be, exactly the opposite of where we wanted to be.
And yet, I have had the chance to look back on this entire year and realize
just how beautifully woven God is in all of this. I have had my mind stretched,
my body exhausted, my patience tested, my hopes flattened, my beliefs tested,
my heart pursued and broken and my wallet emptied. However, the more I live,
the more I continue to explore this desert and the people in it, I have never
been more convinced of one thing…God is in absolute control. It sounds so simple,
so Christian 101… and yet I think I forget that one sentence probably every
single day. But God is so sweet, so patient, so gentle and such a daddy.
Coming out of a relationship and out
of a church home, I have had the opportunity to fall more in love with my
Father, our Father, than ever before. While I was dating Jay the one thing I
wanted out of the entire relationship, whether we pursued the road of marriage
or ended it, was to become closer to the Lord than I was before. You see, in
all of my past relationships, I set God on the back burner, I never was in
constant communication with Him, I didn’t pray over or with my partner and I
never allowed that person to truly see me living for God. With Jay it was
different. I prayed, we prayed, I let him in on what I believed and he let me
in on what he believed, and ultimately I decided that we believed different
things and that a life together probably wasn’t to be, but that led me further
into my relationship with my Lord. I got curious, I allowed myself to really
ask questions about what the Bible says and I started reading the Bible daily
not to check off of a list, but to understand the Old and the New Testament,
together. How they work together, how we came to be, what God asks of us and
what Jesus did for us.
Although I am only in Exodus and
Luke thus far, I am so amazed with our Father. Along those lines, I recently
decided to leave the church that I had attended for almost a year out here.
This was not an easy decision and one that I prayed and sought counsel for, but
ultimately decided that the road the church was going down and the road I
wanted to be on were not the same road. I still deeply desired to be in a
church family and under the wisdom of a pastor. I needed to understand though
what is the church, what is the purpose, what did Christ want us to do in and
with the church. I can’t say that I have found a new church home quite yet, but
I have been attending a church that I am beginning to like. More importantly
though have been listening to a pastor online and I honestly am learning SO
MUCH! So much. If his church was here, I would be in it. Not because of the man
behind the pulpit, or the catchy sermon titles or anything like that, but
because when I am listening to his sermons, it’s like listening to all of my
questions answered through scripture. I see God, and I see how much he is woven
in the everyday. I see how much I desire to be a student of the Lord, and how
much I want my heart and my actions to align with what God has called me to be.
Today I was listening to the
beginning of a sermon about prayer, and of course it was on the Lord’s Prayer,
but in the 22 minute commute to work while I was listening to it, he talked
about two words. Two words have been playing over and over in my heart and two
words that have made me so grateful that I have been saved by grace by God. Two
Words: OUR FATHER. Father. God is our Father. Does that blow you away? Really
sit and listen to those words. Jesus approaches God like I would approach my dad.
Our Father, now if you didn’t have a father in your life that loved you as God
intended fathers to do, don’t tune out just yet. Instead of thinking of the man
your father wasn’t, think of the Father God is. The pastor spoke about learning
to pray, and said that instead of looking to those who are religious to teach
you how to pray, look to a child that has a good relationship with their
earthly Father. Why? Because God is our Father, and when we understand that we
understand how to pray. It doesn’t have to be a mantra we repeat over and over,
and we don’t have to be facing in one certain direction, or wearing a certain
outfit, we just have to approach him like we would approach our dad…respectfully,
humbly and honestly believing that he loves us and will do what’s best for us.
Now I won’t take credit for this or even go any farther into the sermon, but
you should listen to it….
Marshill.com/media/pray-like-Jesus/the-lords-prayer
My whole
point in bringing this up is because in one year my daddy has taken me through
a million different changes. I’ve cried, laughed, learned, loved, argued and grown
and I am so thankful that I have a daddy that I can talk to at any moment who
not only hears me, but loves to hear me, loves to pursue me and loves to be in
relationship with me.
I love
loving him, I love watching him work in and around me, I love getting to talk
to others about how much he loves us and how real he is. You see, when I moved
out here I thought….ok God, I will leave CO and I will do another year of
school, but can you please bring me someone to fall in love with to make it worth
my while.
And he
totally did.
He brought
me closer to him.
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