My Father: I forgot I left this as a draft...whoops

            It’s been a year, a full year living out in AZ, and I am still here. I didn’t think I would be here on October 1, 2012. I had every intention to be back in my beloved CO. I imagined this fall that I would be wrapped in blankets, wearing scarves and watching leaves turn to hues of red, gold and orange. Instead, I am sitting in a coffee shop looking out at green leaves and a blue sky, drinking an ice tea latte because its 100 degrees….100 degrees on October 1^st.

            It’s funny how God places us exactly where we didn’t intend to be, exactly the opposite of where we wanted to be. And yet, I have had the chance to look back on this entire year and realize just how beautifully woven God is in all of this. I have had my mind stretched, my body exhausted, my patience tested, my hopes flattened, my beliefs tested, my heart pursued and broken and my wallet emptied. However, the more I live, the more I continue to explore this desert and the people in it, I have never been more convinced of one thing…God is in absolute control. It sounds so simple, so Christian 101… and yet I think I forget that one sentence probably every single day. But God is so sweet, so patient, so gentle and such a daddy.

            Coming out of a relationship and out of a church home, I have had the opportunity to fall more in love with my Father, our Father, than ever before. While I was dating Jay the one thing I wanted out of the entire relationship, whether we pursued the road of marriage or ended it, was to become closer to the Lord than I was before. You see, in all of my past relationships, I set God on the back burner, I never was in constant communication with Him, I didn’t pray over or with my partner and I never allowed that person to truly see me living for God. With Jay it was different. I prayed, we prayed, I let him in on what I believed and he let me in on what he believed, and ultimately I decided that we believed different things and that a life together probably wasn’t to be, but that led me further into my relationship with my Lord. I got curious, I allowed myself to really ask questions about what the Bible says and I started reading the Bible daily not to check off of a list, but to understand the Old and the New Testament, together. How they work together, how we came to be, what God asks of us and what Jesus did for us.

            Although I am only in Exodus and Luke thus far, I am so amazed with our Father. Along those lines, I recently decided to leave the church that I had attended for almost a year out here. This was not an easy decision and one that I prayed and sought counsel for, but ultimately decided that the road the church was going down and the road I wanted to be on were not the same road. I still deeply desired to be in a church family and under the wisdom of a pastor. I needed to understand though what is the church, what is the purpose, what did Christ want us to do in and with the church. I can’t say that I have found a new church home quite yet, but I have been attending a church that I am beginning to like. More importantly though have been listening to a pastor online and I honestly am learning SO MUCH! So much. If his church was here, I would be in it. Not because of the man behind the pulpit, or the catchy sermon titles or anything like that, but because when I am listening to his sermons, it’s like listening to all of my questions answered through scripture. I see God, and I see how much he is woven in the everyday. I see how much I desire to be a student of the Lord, and how much I want my heart and my actions to align with what God has called me to be.

            Today I was listening to the beginning of a sermon about prayer, and of course it was on the Lord’s Prayer, but in the 22 minute commute to work while I was listening to it, he talked about two words. Two words have been playing over and over in my heart and two words that have made me so grateful that I have been saved by grace by God. Two Words: OUR FATHER. Father. God is our Father. Does that blow you away? Really sit and listen to those words. Jesus approaches God like I would approach my dad. Our Father, now if you didn’t have a father in your life that loved you as God intended fathers to do, don’t tune out just yet. Instead of thinking of the man your father wasn’t, think of the Father God is. The pastor spoke about learning to pray, and said that instead of looking to those who are religious to teach you how to pray, look to a child that has a good relationship with their earthly Father. Why? Because God is our Father, and when we understand that we understand how to pray. It doesn’t have to be a mantra we repeat over and over, and we don’t have to be facing in one certain direction, or wearing a certain outfit, we just have to approach him like we would approach our dad…respectfully, humbly and honestly believing that he loves us and will do what’s best for us. Now I won’t take credit for this or even go any farther into the sermon, but you should listen to it….

 Marshill.com/media/pray-like-Jesus/the-lords-prayer 

My whole point in bringing this up is because in one year my daddy has taken me through a million different changes. I’ve cried, laughed, learned, loved, argued and grown and I am so thankful that I have a daddy that I can talk to at any moment who not only hears me, but loves to hear me, loves to pursue me and loves to be in relationship with me.

I love loving him, I love watching him work in and around me, I love getting to talk to others about how much he loves us and how real he is. You see, when I moved out here I thought….ok God, I will leave CO and I will do another year of school, but can you please bring me someone to fall in love with to make it worth my while.

And he totally did. 

He brought me closer to him. 

ONE BODY

               Looking back at my blog, I just realized that it’s been almost a year since I updated this. And that’s funny because if you would have told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I would probably have cried and covered my ears to block it out. Truth is, our God is Sovereign and His ways are not our ways, and his plans are not our plans. “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9

                So where am I now?  Well I am still in Arizona, Scottsdale to be exact, and I am ok with it. Surprised? I am. This past year has been so full of growth and redirection that it has taken me awhile to really come to terms with everything, and even see how God is weaving it all together. I am not sure why I am supposed to stay in Arizona, but I do know that God gave me peace about the decision and staying here has actually been pretty easy. I miss Colorado, and I miss my family, but I also know that I am here for a reason. There are so many needs in Arizona, and where I once was hoping I could just sit back and learn and then return home and do my own thing, I now see that I am supposed to somehow enter into this new place and use the gifts God has graciously given me for His will here. Right now that means working at Scottsdale Learning Center in the 1 ½ year olds room and trying to be the best teacher I can be for these little souls. I don’t know if this is my “career” but I know that I have been crazy blessed to be in this situation and I will stay there until God tells me it’s time to move on to whatever He has planned next.

                Along with working at the learning center, I am now actively part of Scottsdale Bible Church (SBC), again, not sure if this is my church “home”, but this is where God has me for now and I will obey Him and stay tell He tells me to move. Being a part of SBC has reopened the door for me to return to Africa. As of June 9, 2013, I will be on my way to Zambia with a group of about 20 other young adults to share the gospel with a village of around 2000 people in the bush areas of Africa. This process has been so different from my trip to Kenya. I have learned so much about the Lord and about the power he has bestowed on me through the Holy Spirit. A big part of the trip is focusing on healing people and casting out demons. This is such a new field for me. I mean, I completely believe that God is able to heal and raise people from the dead, but I never really thought that I had the power within me to do the same in Jesus’ name. Listening to the testimonies from those who went on the trip last year is breathtaking. They share stories detailing the Holy Spirit working through them to heal people who couldn’t walk, and couldn’t talk. They give detailed accounts of casting demons out of women and men, and coming face to face with these demons and commanding them to leave in the name of Jesus Christ. Even now, we just received an update from the long term missionaries in Zambia that a woman was brought back to life a few weeks ago after a disciple prayed over her for an hour and called her by name to stand up. Are you finding yourself doubting any of this? I did. I thought there was no way this was true and there is no way that I could possibly do the same. And then the Holy Spirit smacked me in the head and told me to read Acts. Seriously, if you find yourself doubting any of this, read Acts. I had to ask myself, if I really believe that Jesus is who he says he is, and if he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, why don’t I believe that a lame man could walk, a mute man could talk and a dead woman could be brought to life in the name of Jesus Christ 2000 years after he walked the earth? It’s because I have never seen it happen. I mean I have heard of healings, but never have I seen them with my own eyes. But isn’t that what faith is? “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 Just because I haven’t seen any of this happen before doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. And I am eagerly awaiting the chance to get to Zambia and really just watch God work, on His own, through His children, and through me.

                In preparation for the trip my group took part with all of the other missionary teams at SBC in commissioning. I had no idea what I was in for, and truthfully was kind of mad that I had to give up a whole Sunday to be at all of the church services to be commissioned. Now looking back at it, I am really glad that SBC commissions it missionary teams. It’s not only Biblical, but it also brings the whole church body together to pray for a common goal and to see the faces of those that will be over in the battlefield. So, what is commissioning? Luke 4:18-19, Matthew 10:7-8, Matthew 28-19-20, Acts 26: 16-18 are all examples of commissioning in the Bible. Some are about Jesus, one is about Jesus’ commission to his believers and the other is Paul’s commission. Basically, commissioning is accepting a call to share the gospel to non believers and then making that a public commitment. So, in SBC ‘s case, all of the missionaries for this summer and fall spread out around the congregation for each of the 5 church services. We wore blue shirts and as the pastor began to share the church’s heart for missions and what areas they are working in already, as well as where they hope to start work, we began to stand up. The congregation was asked to move closer to “the blue shirt believers” and place their hands on us to pray for our trip. They were asked to pray audibly, and then the pastor closed us in a prayer and we went to the stage to stand and receive the call of going out and making disciples of all nations. The feeling you get when a complete stranger speaks a prayer over you and your life, as well as God’s work in you is humbling. I remember the first lady that prayed over me, and I kept thinking, God I am so unworthy of your love and mercy. I can’t explain why, and maybe you know what I am saying if someone has ever offered to pray for you and you know that you probably won’t see them again or get to share what happened, but just the fact that they would place your name on their lips and your prayer needs on their heart is humbling. It’s also crazy to hear so many people praying over each other at one time. SBC is a fairly large church with easily 1,000 people per service, so imagine people just coming together in the name of Jesus to pray over a few of us that are being called to serve overseas. One heart, one church, one mind. This is what the believers in the early church experienced and it was POWERFUL. (Acts 2:44).

                I left the church that day exhausted and yet refreshed.  This is what life is about. It’s not about the money, success, heck not even about our basic survival. It’s about coming together as ONE BODY to share the gospel of our amazing Lord with those who don’t know it. It’s the deep desire for each person to have a chance to receive salvation and reconciliation with the one true God. It’s the longing for heaven and communion forever with our Lord, knowing that we have done exactly what God called us to do. I am so excited to see what it is that God has in store for each of his children. I am excited to see how much I don’t know yet about the true power of our God. Thank you for partnering with me on this journey. Thank you for taking the time to read this, thank you for keeping me in your prayers. My hope is to be able to update this periodically while I am in Zambia, but if not I will write what I can when I get back. My prayers to you and for you, may you come to know the one true God, and live a life full of joy in the Spirit and life in the body.