Ok, well other than that not much has changed regarding my situation, but I am hoping my attitude has. Last night I was doing my devotions and I came upon a startling relization. Actually the Holy Spirit opened my eyes and revealed my character to me in a not so pleasent way. I realized that I have allowed my attitude about this move to infect my soul. I have allowed Satan to weasel his way into my heart and mind and to spread lies about who I am and who I am called to become. I allowed the lies of lonliness, unworthiness, fear and self pity to consume my thoughts and attitude. That is not who I am! You and I both know that and yet, because I am not in my comfort zone, I completely fell off of my faith and my foundation.
I am the daughter of the King. I am a princess in the high Ccourts of Zion and I am acting like the war has been fought and I have lost. Yet, I know that God has not given me a spirit of timidy, but a spirit of power and of love (2 Timothy 1:7). I am not acting like that though. I am allowing my fears, my being uncomfortable to dictate my actions and attitudes. So, I resolved to let go. I Rresolved to stand up and stare Satan directly in the eyes and tell him to get behind me. My God is bigger, he is more powerful and he knows the plans he has for me! I will rest in His promises and no longer allow Satan to be the one who tells me what I will and will not do.
Truth be told, I am ready to put this past week behind me and start over. I will look at this as an adventure and I will no longer be afriad to do things on my own. Sabrina hit me with this nugget of truth today.... "You are allowing yourself to believe that you are a person who has to do things with other people, but what if you believed you were a person who can do things on their own, who can try new things and doesn't have to have someone else as a crutch." It is so true.
When I was a senior in high school I was on the diving team. I had never actually been on the diving team before and the only time I really took any instruction in diving before that was a one week diving camp at the Air Force Academy. But I decided that was what I was going to do and so I did it, on my own. The first lesson I learned from Coach RoseE was that diving is about 80% mental and 20% skill. I thought she was crazy...I mean seriously you are telling me that a reverse double pike dive has 20% of skill involved in it...Ha I have been on that board and there is a lot more to that then 20% skill. But than I learned how to do the inward dive. You stand backwards on the end of the board, jump and touch your toes all while facing the board, the closer to the board the better. Yep, you actually see the board on your way down. And I quickly realized that 80% mental is darn right. On the days that I walked onto the board excited to dive and loving the inward, I nailed it. On days when I was unfocused, stressed out, or allowed my nerves to get the best of me, I flopped...literally belly flopped, back flopped, side flopped, I flopped.
I had a dream last night about being at the pool on a diving board.... 80% mental....here we go!
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